First Giveaway

All of you followers and commenters have been amazing! It’s been a wonderful couple of months and I couldn’t have done it without each and every one of you. To show my appreciation I’m giving away the LOKASS Drawstring Makeup Bag pictured below. I have partnered with a fellow blogger The Virginia Nymph at The Virginia Nymph for this giveaway so you will see this post there as well.

All you have to do to enter is share this post on social media (FB, Twitter, IG, Pinterest, etc...), use the hashtag #VANGIVEAWAY and then comment on this post where you have shared it, (you can also drop a link if that is easier, and make sure your post is public so we can verify it, please). This giveaway is international and the shipping of the prize will be covered by us. Each share gets you one entry. Entries close on Friday March 15th at 11:59 PM EST. The winner will be chosen and announced Sunday March 17th 2019 at 6:00 PM EST.

I look forward to rewarding you all for your support.

You can also share this post from The Virginia Nymph’s Blog - The Virginia Nymph located HERE. There is no cap on entries. We hope you all have fun with this.

Love and hugs to all. ^_^

Your Friend,

Vivian Asher
Thoughts From the Shower

Race Against Time

Date night did not go as planned. It really is our own fault though, as we didn’t plan in advance.

Since Valentine’s day so obligingly fell on a weekday this year, Richy and I decided to hold off on romance until the weekend. On Saturday we planned to celebrate our undying love by going to a local hockey game, eating a footlong sausage on a bun, and consuming alcohol. Needless to say, we were pretty excited. Honestly, as funny as it sounds, I was excited. I have never once been to a hockey game of any kind and I am always tickled when I am practically expected to consume a hotdog.

Now, what really sold me on this hockey game idea, was the idea that it wouldn’t be crowded. Richy, who used to attend these games fairly often, assured me that we could walk up to the ticket window on the night of the game, buy a rinkside seat, right up against the glass, and see all the fun. I liked this idea. As I have gotten older, I have become snarky and less tolerant of people and crowds, so a little elbow room appealed to me as well. So now we had fun in small crowds, the possibility of brawny men pummelling each other, AND hotdogs? I was all in!

Well, Richy, being the forward thinking person he is, looked up tickets online, so we didn’t have to wait until that night to stand outside in the rain waiting for tickets. We would just buy ours online.

No. No, we wouldn’t. The tickets to this volunteer, non-professional, local hockey game had been sold out at the Civic Coliseum for two weeks. TWO WEEKS?! What the hell? I asked him what on earth could be going on to cause this thing to sell out half a month ago. Are you ready for this?

Weiner Dog Races. The ANNUAL Weiner Dog Races. During half-time, or whatever you call it in hockey, there is a weiner dog race. So now, I only had more questions. All through the night, questions kept popping into my head and I’d randomly blurt them out through our alternate date (The movie - Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindewold, and dinner). Like, do they have the dogs run on the ice? Do they slip and slide? Is it funny? Or does it hurt their little paws? Do they have little boots? What happens if a zamboni runs over a rogue poopie? And really? This is what sells every seat in the house?

After a quick Google search, here is a short list of the local Coliseum events that did not sell out: The Nutcracker, Shinedown, and Knoxville Symphony Orchestra presents: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. What did sell out? Weiner dog races at the halftime show.

So, at least now I know; if I am going to see a hockey game at the local level, I need to make sure to get my tickets in advance. That, or make sure nothing as important as weiner dog races is happening on the night I want to go.

Launching the Meat Missile

Trigger Warning: Almost Dirty Words and Euphemisms for Your Junk Writing erotica is a funny business. As I mentioned in an previous post, I am taking on a writing project with a friend. My first project ended up being an erotic story. Now, this isn’t completely new to me, I have tried my hand at it before and I did a decent job. Those were just short stories and I popped them out in quick order. However, this particular smut has turned into an entire series in my head. I have diary entries from one character, a storyline going, and another character will soon start a journal of his own. I am basically writing the same story from three different viewpoints. I am a glutton for punishment. Now, when talking about body parts in these kinds of stories, especially when discussing someone’s privates, it helps to be creative. It also helps if you have been exposed to a lot of euphemisms for the naughty bits. The good news is that I HAVE been privy to this kind of terminology as an editor. The bad news is, the two people that I edit for the most write male/male erotic fiction; and I am writing a female/female storyline. In other words, I have 48 synonyms for a weiner, but when it comes to the lady parts, I’m at a loss. The friend that I started this project with was kind enough to lend me a hand. She got on Facebook and asked this question: “Me and my gal pal are trying to write some sweet girl on girl action and we need some other names for breasts and vaginas.” Well, ask and the internet shall deliver, right? Well, somewhat; here are some of the answers, spelled exactly the way we got them: tits, bewbs, chest pillows, and globes. Also, netherlips, petals, lotus, folds, sheath, and velvet glove. Most of what we got though, is a bunch of other writers wanting an update if we found anything that didn’t make what we were writing sound like absolute cheesy filth. We strive for a better class of smut around here. The truth is, it’s really difficult to write porn without sounding so filthy that hell won’t even have you. On the other hand, you can run the risk of not being descriptive enough, something that may lead to no one wanting to read your smut because it isn’t smutty enough. There is a fine line between erotic stories and just out and out raunchy sex. For instance, do you call them boobs, breasts, or tits? Well, if it’s in the heat of the moment, maybe it’s her “heaving bosoms”. If you are feeling wordy, you could say “her breasts were perfect alabaster globes”. If you are going for a little trashier, or writing from a man’s point of view, you might choose to go with “Her tits were so perky, it looked like she was hanging upside down”. But when it comes right down to it, how many ways can you say boobies, without being repetitive, and still make it sexy? Now, naming the Velvet Sheath is a whole other frustrating problem. It’s not that the ol’ vajajay doesn’t have any synonyms, it just doesn’t have a whole lot of sexy ones. We ladies call it many names, but who wants to read something that says “He touched her cooter and she moaned in ecstasy”. I mean, no man wants to hear it called the tuna taco when he’s trying to spank the monkey. It’s just not sexy. Then we have the funny names we use in our conversations: Snoochi, Hoohaa, Oonie, and Coochie. None of those words belong in porn. Then, there are just the ridiculous, cheesy names, which are the ones that generally end up going in the story. These include the honey pot, the cave of delight, the crux of my womanhood, and of course, the lady sheath. Yes, writing erotic fiction is probably one of the least sexy things a person can do. Afterall, how serious can a person take themselves once they have written the words “jiggery-pokery” to express making love? You cannot write “I gave her yearning womanhood a hot beef injection,” without giggling outloud for several minutes. On the other hand, one cannot simply write “they made love” and keep a reader who is looking for smut, interested for any length of time. So, this is my life now. I spend my days looking for four hundred ways to describe doing the horizontal mambo. It’s a tough job, but somebody’s gotta do it.

"We Are All Mad Here"

Do you ever do something without really thinking it through? Just jump right in something, feet first and hope for the best? Nope, me either, I am always given to careful thought and serious planning. Pssht. Riiiiiight.

I jump along the cliffs of life and basically never look to see if I’m actually going to make it to the other side. I just start running then jump. Might land, might crash, you never know. But I will never know if I don’t try, so what the hell? WELL, what have I crashed headlong into this time? Writing!

Not this; not writing this blog - which I still intend to keep up with, as much as I keep up with it - but, another blog. A gal pal of mine came up with the idea to co-publish a blog. It was supposed to be a collection of short stories, essays, erotica, discussion pieces, and art. As it stands, there is plenty of free content posted on the blog with extra content available to customers.  She asked me if I’d like to participate in adding content, and without a second thought, I said I’d love to.

I am a silly woman. What was supposed to just be a casual short story has now turned into an entire erotic series with three tiers of content. Not only do I have three versions of the same story going, I am writing essay pieces for the page, and I’m going to continue this blog, and ideally, I’ll make some art for the site.

I hadforgotten what happens when I allow myself to write. I had a couple of years, when I first started this blog as a matter of fact, where I wrote continuously, i mean non-stop. I wrote short stories novels, essays, blogs as well as research topics. Hell, I even wrote plays and haute poetry!. There would be literal days  I didn’t leave my room.. I forgot what takes over me when I give myself permission to let go. I just really can’t stop. I’d forget to wash my hair, which was probably fine, as I had forgotten to comb it out anyway. I wouldn’t remember to eat until my blood sugar would crash so hard that I couldn’t see the screen in front of my eyes. Even then, I just squinted and kept typing and ate whatever I could get someone to bring me.

Yet, despite the fact that I tend to  fall into a rabbit hole of words and the tapping of keys, despite the fact I look like a yeti, I am stupidly happy. I pop out of bed each morning, grab my tea and immediately head for my computer. I open it up and open my mandatory eleven tabs and get the blank document ready. I don’t know what’s going to happen when that blinking cursor starts to move, but I’m excited to get it going. It’s so much fun. It’s so satisfying to spin a story or give life to a secret fantasy. It’s thrilling to have someone discuss a serious piece with you because what you wrote truly mattered to them, or gave them something to think about. It doesn’t matter if it’s your mother, your lover, your best friend, or a stranger who wants to talk to you about it. The fact that it’s on anyone’s mind at all is extremely gratifying.

Anyway, now then, the pressure is on, but I’m so glad it is. I know I have someone counting on me to have my act together now. I’ll have deadlines and quotas to meet. Nope, I gave it not even a full day’s thought. But, you know what? I’m excited! I look forward to waking up every morning.

I know that I might end up spending twelve hours behind a screen. I know the dishes might pile up a little and maybe the bed won’t get made. I also know I can survive an entire night in a bed that was left crumpled. Even if it stayed unmade all day long, we can sleep a full night in that same bed without dying. I have come to realize, now that I am 39, that if we leave the dishes in the sink all day long, the police will not show up and drag us away. Social services will not take our children from our home (they don’t want them either), and the health department will not condemn our building. I have even left dinner dishes until morning and not once have I triggered the apocalypse.

In other words, I finally gave myself permission to get lost in my writing.

If you read this, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Please keep doing so, it tickles me. Feel free to share it or make it your guilty pleasure or dirty little secret. And please wish me luck in my new endeavor. I am also hoping to retrieve the rest of my novel soon from a broken computer. Finishing that would be a dream!

If you are interested in the blog mentioned in this post, I will put the link below. However, please be aware, there is ADULT CONTENT in various posts on this blog. If the post contains adult content it is marked as rated MA in the title. This way you will know what sort of content you are about to see. The mature content is easily avoidable, but is still available. Just a precaution.

Here is the link: https://www.patreon.com/whiskeywithwine