Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Feelin' Slizzard in my G6?


Tonight as my daughter and I were riding to the mall for my fitting and her chance to see her boyfriend, we of course got in the car and cranked the radio up to the local Top 40 station and seat danced to Usher, crushed on Adam Levine, changed the station when Nikki Manage came on and belted out Just Give Me A Reason by Pink and Nate from Fun. During this radio hilarity and, I must say, Grammy winning singing marathon, a song came on the radio that frankly, we could not understand. I was afraid it was because I am 34 years old and must have reached the point in my life where I still adore Alanis Morrisette and have no use for the music of youngsters these days, but it turns out my 16 year old daughter was just as confused as I was. This song is titled G6 by Far East Movement. To be fair, it has a decent dance beat, but I think that was where the song writers decided they would take a coffee break and possibly a hyper-caffinated janitor broke into the studio and filled in the lyrics from a Mad-Libs travel book. I will not inflict the entire song on you, but I must write the chorus as it prompted a discussion between my daughter and I. The chorus is as follows:

Poppin bottles in the ice, like a blizzard
When we drink we do it right getting slizzard
Sippin sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6
Now I'm feelin so fly like a G6
Like a G6, Like a G6
Now I'm feelin so fly like a G6

Pardon me, apparently this stanza is called a Hook, not a chorus. My bad. Anyway, my daughter and I looked at each other the first time we heard the word “slizzard” and said “what the hell is slizzard?” Now, I have been several kinds of drunk. I have been tipsy, woozy and giddy. I have been To'e up from the Flo' up. I have been smashed, hammered, and wasted. I have been three sheets to the wind and even 40 sheets to the wind. I have been stumbling drunk and Why-am-I-wearing-a-Snow-White-Costume drunk. I have never been Slizzard. I'm not sure I would even recognize being slizzard if I managed to get there. After all, what constitutes slizzardness? I have a picture in my head of someone who is so drunk that they can no longer walk, but they desperately want to continue dancing, so they sort of fall over and slizzer around on the floor in a rhythmical manner to the background music. I imagine it looks something like a seizure and the Inch Worm combined. Of course this person would have a red Solo cup sitting wedged in a corner somewhere with a bendy straw in it so they could occasionally slizzer over and refresh themselves with a hard beverage to maintain their state of slizzardness.

The next thing I had to wonder about was “feeling fly like a G6”. I don't know what a G6 is. I'm not sure if I had one I would know what I was expected to do with it. My clever daughter pointed out that since they were talking about flying, maybe it was some type of airplane. Well, that's just stupid. I mean if I were going to feel like an airplane, I would want to feel like an F-14. That's a badass airplane. I definitely would want to feel fly like an F-14. I told my daughter this, but she pointed out that maybe when you are so inebriated that you have become slizzard, you aren't to be trusted with an F-14 and your best hope is a G6. I thought that was a pretty good point. On the other hand, if a G6 does not refer to aircraft, what would I do with such a thing? I'll tell you what I would do with it. I have watched my kids play Pokemon for so long that I know I would train my G6 until it evolved into a G7 and could take out a Squirtle with one move. If I decided I liked my evolved G6, I might even go so far as to take it to some kind of training center and evolve it into a G8, which I am sure would be the baddest G number around. I have to wonder though, if you are feeling fly like a G6, which would indicate something to do with areal transportation, then possibly, you could feel sunk like a G4 and grounded like a G5. I guess if you were feeling stellar, you would have to upgrade to feeling stellar like a G7.

They have totally thrown me in the song with their reference to sipping sizzurp in their ride, like Three 6. I have no idea what this number is in reference to, though I have realized Three 6can be looked at as a fraction which would equal one half. Perhaps they are sipping some sticky beverage in their car that is one half syrup and one half whatever it is that will get one slizzard. Possibly they are drinking pancake syrup and rum. I don't know about slizzard, but it would certainly get you sick!