The Best Day Ever

According to my dog, Peanut Butter, a.k.a The Best Boy Ever, a.k.a. Little Butters, today is the Best Day Ever. Here’s what happened: The Best Day Ever started out with last night being The Best Night Ever. Little Butters got to sleep with mommy and daddy last night in the big bed. This is a Big Deal, in the world of a small dog, and he luxuriates in it whenever he gets the chance. No one enjoys a bed like this particular puppy. First he lays flat out in a perfect sploot, just taking in the comfort of the thick quilts and poofy pillows. Then as he sinks down into the cloud of fluff, and his eyes surrender to slits of perfect happiness, his nose begins to wiggle in anticipation of the burrowing that will come next. At last, his little puppy legs will scooch him forward to the head of the bed where he disappears underneath the covers. He loves nothing better than to burrow under every inch of blanket he can find. From the head of the bed to the foot, from side to side and back and forth, Little Butters makes tunnel after tunnel before suddenly reappearing, hair askew and full of static as he sticks only his nose out between the pillows and smiles his goofy smile. Then, with his paws extended and head between them he got to sleep All Night Long between mommy and daddy. It really was the Best Night Ever. But then morning came! It was the Best Day Ever! Peanut Butter got to wake daddy up by licking him right in the mouth, it was the best! And at 6:30 in the morning, daddy’s mouth had never smelled more interesting! Yep, it was the best smell ever, so Peanut Butter just stuck his tongue right down daddy’s open mouth. Daddy seemed awfully startled, but to The Butters, it was like a champagne and caviar breakfast! For some reason, mommy laughed and laughed at this. Butters didn’t know how he made mommy laugh, he just liked the sound, so he wagged his tail and jumped out of bed. This was going to be the Best Day Ever! No Way. Is it really breakfast time? Ohmigosh it really is! Peanut Butter has only had 2,554 breakfasts in his life, so the idea that he is really getting breakfast this morning really blows his mind. You can tell he managed to wrap his head around it though after carefully observing his meal time ritual. I scoop out his measurement of mail order, gourmet food, pour his tablespoon of extra virgin olive oil onto it, mix it in, and shake the treat bag over the bowl, so he believes there are treats in his food. Note: he will not eat without this song and dance. Oh wow! Breakfast AND treats? THIS is the Best Day Ever! After breakfast, it’s time to go outside. OUTSIDE! Oh. My. God! We are going outside?! We have only gone outside at the very least five times a day for seven years. Despite the fact that he has been outside approximately 12,775 times, he still acts like a lifetime shelter dog getting to see the outdoors for the first time. No one has ever been this excited about the outdoors and no one ever will be. All I have to say is “Peanut Butter, do you want to go… OUTSIDE?” Oh my god, does he ever! His ears perk up, his little toes begin to tap and he dances on the floor in desperate anticipation of new smells and neighbor dogs to bark ferociously at. And boy, does he smell everything! There are cats to smell, and recycle bins to smell, and gloriously dirty trash bins to smell! Best of all there are things to pee on! He gets to pee on car tires and bushes and garden walls and trees and fire hydrants and endless miles of curbs! Outside is just the best and a huge part of his Best Day Ever. Finally, after all the things are peed on and all the smells are smelled, it’s time for Peanut Butter to come back inside. What does that mean for Little Butters? I’ll tell you what that means; it means a treat for using the bathroom! Yes! It’s treat time! Treats are the Best Thing Ever and he gets one every time he uses the potty or does something clever or looks semi-cute or does something endearing. So, pretty much, he’s surprised anytime he gets one, and has no idea he’s ever had one before. Treats are awesome, and this is DEFINITELY The Best Day Ever! So after a long hard day of eating, peeing, sniffing and tail wagging, it’s time to nap with Mr. Quackers, his stuffed duck and sleeping buddy. Naps are an integral part of Peanut Butter’s day in order to keep up with his hectic schedule. After all, who can have a Best Day Ever without a full 8 hours of sleep at night and 15 hours of sleep during the day? Not this overworked puppy. Tonight we will once again blow his mind by giving him his 2,555th dinner and he will be as excited about it as he was about breakfast. Later, we will take him for his 12,776th walk and he will sniff everything he can reach and pee on anything he can chase down. He will bark at all the dogs and chase all the cats. He will be so proud of himself and will earn the treat he will get once he goes inside. And why will he do all of this? Because today was The Best Day Ever.