Wednesday, December 27, 2017

It's Time for the New Year, New Me Lies

Well, a new year is upon us, and I am ready to start blogging again. I have healed and moved on so now it’s time to make irresponsible jokes and sexual innuendos once again.
Thank the gods, with the year in Hollywood and the Blob of Marmalade in the White House, I have plenty of material.  As you will read, most of my ideas though, come straight out of my absurd life.

For example, just the other day, my boyfriend, Richy, and I were leaning out of the upstairs bedroom window whistling at and talking to two adorable doggos down in the neighbor’s yard next door.  Richy started talking about how he wished he hadn’t missed out on buying that house. He really liked it and he wished had bought it when he had had the chance. Meanwhile, I’m still baby talking to the puppies (yes, even eighty pound dogs are puppies. I have no shame). He started talking about having met them once and he thought maybe his name was Tim, but he can’t remember her name.  Having only paid sportatic attention to my dear Richy, I leaned out the window and whistled at the adorable doggos and yelled down “Here Tim, here boy, come here”!  Richy just stared open mouthed at me for a moment before shaking his head and informing me he was talking about the people. Not the dogs. The dog is NOT, in fact, named Tim.  We assume so anyway.

Do I still love Shemar Moore you may ask? Absolutely as always. I have just decided to add another piece of bread in the form of Jason Mamoa and make myself a beefy man-sandwich.  I became aware of this Hawaiian god while watching Stargate: Atlantis with Richy.  Well, now he is Aqua-Man who I know nothing about except he has muscles twice the size of Atlantis Mamoa and he has this sexy eyebrow scar (yes, some idiot tried to pick a bar fight with this 6’3” moose) not to mention he’s dark and delicious. Oh, and he was Kahl Drago on Game of Thrones.  So yeah… I’m pretty excited about my new man-candy while remaining ever faithful to my original true love.

My offspring, Thing 1 and Thing 2, are now grown and out on their own.  My oldest is married and observing her discover her “life as a married woman” is both sweet and hysterically funny.  My youngest, however, is discovering things like paying bills, which he says, and I quote “Sucks”. This shows he has a firm grip on reality, and as a parent, you can’t really ask for more, so I’m pleased.  

Richy is my long suffering partner and significant other. He and I met through a mutual friend.  I often tell her I owe her one… and various other threats.  No, in all actuality, I’m really lucky to have this man in my life. We have been together a little over a year and he has made me so happy and apparently I make him happy, but I think he’s just drunk.  This last month I got sicker than I have ever been.  I got sicker than anyone has ever been and was basically bed bound for 19 days and I’m still so weak most of my day is spent on the sofa. This man has been such a great caregiver and so kind.  He works all day, comes home, cleans, makes a homemade dinner, makes sure im drinking plenty and have my medicines. He has helped me shower and wash my hair while I've been too weak to raise my arms.  He's done all this and only said out loud one time that he hates dishes. He really hates dishes.  He has been a trooper.  
Myself? I’d have strangled me a couple of weeks ago, honestly.  

I suppose that’s about it for today.  Nothing much, I know, just getting back in the habit of writing.  Maybe I will post this one, and maybe I won’t, we will see. If I do, thanks for reading. Tomorrow’s should be better, I hope so anyway.

And remember, banging your head against a wall burns 100 calories an hour. Really.