Whoopie! It's Christmas Eve

Things didn't go as planned.

Making whoopie is one of my favorite things about being in a healthy, committed relationship. It’s fun and you can do it (almost) anytime. It’s free entertainment, it’s a free workout without the gym membership. You can whoopie when it’s raining or snowing, in bad weather or good, you can whoopie during a power outage. Baby, it’s cold outside? Well, come here, and let me warm you up and touch your butt.

However, I’ve recently had a hysterectomy and haven’t been allowed to have any sort of sexy time for the last six weeks. It has been a long six weeks but it ends the day after Christmas, assuming my doctor says I am healed, at which point I will be unavailable for at least twenty-four hours, but I digress.

Today being Christmas Eve, I decided that it was time to at least fool around. Maybe I can’t go “all the way”, but surely things can be done to ensure Richy and I both have a nice time, right? Right. The thing is, I had this randy little idea while lying in bed during the middle of the night. I couldn’t sleep and I started feeling sexy, not paying attention to the fact that it was four in the morning and Richy was in a deep, deep sleep. (This is called foreshadowing, kids).

Things started out just fine. I began kissing him, touching him, and gently waking him up, etc… but somewhere in there I forgot that I was actually the one that was feeling lustful in the first place. I lost sight of the fact that the point to all of this was that I wanted to feel good, and I sabotaged my own orgasm.  I wasn’t thinking about the fact that 1. Sexy time with a man will make him immediately fall asleep afterwards and, 2. That Richy was already in a deep sleep when I decided to initiate Operation Orgasm.

Being the spontaneous person that I am, I jumped that poor, sleeping man like a starving animal who had finally been given a bone. And in all honesty, I rocked his world! I was feeling pretty proud of myself, so I kissed him, hopped out of bed to wash up a little and promised him I’d be right back. I forgot, never leave a spent man alone. Alas, I bounced back to the bedroom only to find him wrapped up like a burrito and sleeping so soundly and deeply that I check his pulse just to make sure I hadn’t killed him.

But now what? I had blown out of any hope of my own sexy time! I sat on the side of the bed and blinked a few times realizing that I had cheated my own self, and there was nothing I could do about it (well, nothing I could get Richy to do about it). Now I was all worked up and I had put my partner in a coma. Brilliant.

So,that is where today’s blog comes in. Yes, today’s blog is brought to you by six weeks of pent up sexual energy and an inability to sleep during normal sleeping hours. It is 5:45 in the morning on Christmas Eve and I am typing these words because what else can I do? I can laugh at myself and patiently wait for Richy to rejoin the land of the living.

So, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you all. Here’s to having someone to canoodle with during these cold winter months. Richy, thank you for just being you. I am really, scandalously in love with you.